DIY: The lyin', witch of a wardrobe

Basking in the afterglow of a one-off success with building the tidy rail in about 15 min + a tiny break to go to the wine bar down the street with my flatmates, I got a little cocky. The tidy rail might have begun collapsing inwards, but that nothing to do with my poor workmanship and everything to do with design and mammon. It was cheap and flimsy…and I put too many of my worldly possession on it. Anyway, my oasis of calm (ie my tiny bedroom) was beginning to become a bit of a misnomer as only one side of the room possessed zen-like features, whilst the other side was a pit of avaricious despair and chaos (see picture below). Instead of acknowledging that I have too many material possessions and giving them away, I very opportunistically purchased an additional giant wardrobe from Homebase when they had a 30% off sale. A slightly larger project, but I was a veteran. I had built a tidy rail whilst chatting about touring Japan (the others, not me)…without really looking at the directions. I was Bob the bloody Builder*.

*Fun Fact: Bob the Builder is totally British. Who knew? But it makes perfect sense. In the homeland, they don’t call people in construction “builders”… If he was American he would have been Carl the Construction Worker.

Anyway, wardrobe is delivered…by two men (because of the 2 large boxes involved). I offered them the obligatory cup of tea. Refused. I should have been worried by the fact that I have almost caused irreparable damage to some poor delivery guys’ vertebrae. But I am not. I am amazing. I will open the box after work because I can totally have this thing built and populated before I go to bed. I open the box after work and pull out some things. Whoa. I close the box. This will have to wait for the weekend. This is not as simple as they make it look online. Or as the tidy rail. I feel lied to. Deceived. I can't do it myself. Sheet.

Friday night: This is on. I got some music, my pocket knife from the Target dollar spot (my tidy rail didn’t even require that!) – I am ready. I spent the whole of Friday night completing one step. One. Out of 17. By the end of the day Saturday I have completed 5 out of the 17 steps and my pocket knife/screw-driver has been ground down to a useless peg. Sunday evening I complete step 6. I retire, leaving the pictured unfinished project very rudely in my living room for the rest of the week. (I was super busy an important last week.)

Thanks to my very wonderful and generous grandmother who heard my desperate plea via facebook status, a very kind donation allowed me to purchase the necessary tools to build my wardrobe. It’s a very imposing structure and, once I post a picture, you will clearly be able to see why it took almost a week and a half to complete it. Further, bar the giant gap between the two doors…and the nails that missed the wood and are sticking precariously through the back waiting to rip holes in my clothes, you can hardly tell it wasn’t done by a professional.